Tag: physics

(A brain to heart talk)

I am a person who feels too deeply and yet try to follow my brain. Most of the time, I think, I succeed.

I have been described as cold, unfeeling as well as overdramatic, attention-seeking. Two, competely contradicting terms.

I’ve made it clear in my previous posts that I’m a huge lover of art. But what I’ve not made clear is my love for physics.

I have no idea exactly how this works, but when I’m, say, writing poetry, it’s like, I turn off the rational part of me and the artistic and feeling side of me comes out. And when I’m researching physics, or, just solving problems for the sake of it, I sorta turn off the aesthetic side of me and just operate on my analytical side. It comes to me naturally and I’ve never given it much thought.

When this happens, it feels like I’m two different personalities. Contradicting each other. And yet existing. And the worst/best part is that no side of me is dominant. I’m just very confused about myself. I’m pretty sure it’s not multiple personality disorder (I hope).

So, in general life, when I’m with my peers, I’m an overthinking, quiet, awkward, clumsy, private, introverted person. That’s cool. Until I went to this competition, there were these people who thought independently, made intellectual conversations, and just got me. Then, a completely different side to me showcased itself (this only happens when I talk to adults who know that I’m more than capable of making philosophical, political, intellectually stimulating conversation, like my dad, for example). I was called extroverted, confident, and very sharp in that competition. Those were my kind of people, I felt. And I didn’t have to fake or make any effort to continue the conversation.

I feel like I don’t really relate to people of my age group (this is applicable only to the people I interact with on a daily basis).

I just feel weird, I guess, realizing that I’ve been changing personalities, without even knowing that I was. My love for art and my love for physics, the irrational and rational side to me, they’re conflicting, dual, and yet, they exist. I don’t care if I’ll go crazy but I want both of my sides to thrive.

The point of this post? Honestly, I don’t know.