Yesterday, I deleted something very dear to me. I figured, how does it matter? And after the deletion process, it did matter to me and I almost started crying. The second i let go, i regretted it.
But then, that’s the whole point. differentiating between what you want and what you need and acting upon needs. You let go of the things that are unhealthy, physically, mentally and emotionally. And it will matter to you. You’ll crave for it like an addiction but you can’t let it control you. The irrational part will want to never let go but at some point you have to let it go.
The problem is we don’t let go of things we found happiness in once upon a time. These things are the reminders of the happiness we once felt and it’s almost impossible to let go. Giving up on something/someone that/who has let go of you is a very courageous and noble thing to do.
But no matter how courageous an act is, it never takes away the pain and sacrifice of it.
Letting go is not forgetting, it’s giving up the weight that weighs you down.
i don’t know why i did it, to be honest. the idea of starting a separate blog for poetry was uncomfortable, even to consider.
i have this love for art. and i guess i needed to create something out of the ardent passion i feel for art of any kind.
this new blog was an impulse. i, usually, don’t act upon my impulses without giving them much thought. so, i have absolutely no idea why i needed a separate blog for poetry. but i just feel like i do need it. so, let’s all welcome my impulse blog for poetic purposes.
do you ever have this feeling when you just realize that you’re still young, you have lots of time left to become who you want to be as a person?
i never had this feeling until… i discovered this new musical artist: Lauv.
so, here’s the deal. when people tell me to listen to a particular song or read a particular book, i don’t. i have this weird obsession with discovering underrated artists. because most of the time, the famous, mind-blowing songs turn out to be utter crap about how cool the singer is or about how much money they have and just crap. so, naturally when people told me to check out Lauv, i didn’t. big mistake on my part. i know i shouldn’t be so judgmental and presumptuous but i can’t help it (it took me forever to read the hunger games). it gives a whole meaning to one bad apple ruins the whole tree or something. i can’t remember the exact proverb.
so, yesterday, once i got frustrated trying to study everything at once, i just went to my room, turned off the lights, turned on the air conditioner, put on Lauv’s first studio album: how i’m feeling. and i was truly surprised when a very silky voice started singing, not about money and how famous he was but about the feelings we all face (at some point of our life) but usually ignore. and i just closed my eyes, and felt the words and the music. and honestly, i felt like i was high or drunk. i was satiated by his words because they were related with this part of me that was so deeply hidden that i didn’t know i had the part in the first place.
his lyrics made me realize that i still have time, i don’t have to compete with myself so brutally, i didn’t have to torture myself for all the mistakes i made because it’s these mistakes that will lead me closer to who i want to become.
his music is not sad, it’s not happy. that’s the thing. the lyrics convey simple truths and the music fits in a very complicated manner. because not all feelings have to be classified as positive or negative, some feelings are just complicated.
i am so thankful i decided to listen to his album just to see if it would resonate with me and it did, more than i expected. i’m grateful to the mechanism of decision making of my brain and random chance that made me decide to put on his album.
i did my best to describe this weird, unintentionally funny, hopeless romantic guy and what he made me feel but i couldn’t capture the exact feelings and vibes, forgive me. but i can guarantee you, you don’t want to miss sensory delights as his music.
with this recent pandemic (COVID-19), i can’t help but notice that everybody is sorta always checking the news, a slight bit of hysteria threatens to bubble out, trying to keep the panic hidden. and that’s alright. that’s human.
i just wanna tell, it’s okay to feel vulnerable. but it’s not okay to let it consume you. i have a small list of tips that i’m implementing and i am seeing it work in my house. my mom seems more calm, my sister’s not as paranoid, and my dad’s chill with the situation (as always).
calm down
seriously. don’t panic. chill out
don’t check the news every second (it’s fine)
remember to wash hands every hour
don’t go out, at all (not for exercising, not for anything)
distract yourself
create something
draw/sketch (try it out)
write
cook
dance
sing
play an instrument
watch youtube
make a playlist
do a science experiment (safe)
clean your room
organize the house
so the dishes
sleep
eat
exercise
start an art journal
get on social media (honestly, it works for my mom. i have a love/hate relationship with social media but tumblr is useful for ideas)
read (books, fanfiction, old magazines and newspapers)
paint
watch some tv (i can recommend some addictive shows)
listen to music
solve some puzzles (sudoku is awesome and i love crosswords)
talk
call old and new friends
hone some skill that you never got the chance to
take a crash course
find new, weird hobbies (surprisingly, perfume mixing has become one of my hobbies)
diy
practice gratitude
write a song
make/search for memes and jokes
make your own indoor games
learn a new language
be productive (get some studying/work done)
you could say that these tips are tested and true.
anyways, if they don’t work (everybody is different), you could always talk to me. email me at – the.billionaire.psych@gmail.com
i’m so deeply in love with art (of any kind) that i’m wondering what it feels like to hate it. and then i realized i do hate art – mine.
i think every artist has the right to criticize their own art. it’s like that one song that makes you cry, and yet, you play it because you feel the beauty it holds in the pain.
sort of like that, you see the potential in your art and yet you hate it. you hope that your art changes others, impacts the world but at the same time, you just can’t help but hate it.
and lately, i’ve been creating and hating art more than i ever did.
maybe, i’m the only insane one who feels like this.
a. what other poets style do you emulate the most?
interesting question. the problem here is that i am not such a great poet as to compare myself to any other poets out there. but if i cast that very crucial piece of info aside, then, i guess atticus. his words are down forth tattoo-able. add a bit of nikita gill, rupi kaur, walt whitman, john green (I stole this from you, Udita) into the mix.
b. do you write with too much imagery or too little?
according to me, i incorporate imagery but i don’t really know. i don’t usually let others read my work.
c. write four poems in one day or go three weeks without writing anything?
depends on my mood really. can do both. but when i’m not writing poetry, i’m writing songs. so go figure.
d. do you have your poetry organized or are you more likely to write half a stanza on a one dollar bill and then spend it by accident?
ideas come knocking at the most unlikely times, like just when you are about to sleep. many a times, i have disrupted my sleep cycle to write down ideas that sounded mind-blowing at 3 am but were utter crap. i have a box of pieces of paper with ideas, so messily-organized is more my style?
e. bird imagery or ocean imagery?
ocean. the vast endless liquid velvet that falls off the end of the world? the part of yourself you never knew but always suspected was there? yes please.
f. what was the last poem that you loved?
your art
is not about how many people
like your work
your art
is about
if your heart likes your work
if your soul likes your work
it's about how honest you are with yourself
and you
must never
trade honesty
for relatability
- to all you young poets
rupi kaur
g. do you write about people or landscapes?
i write about change and evolution. whether the subject of the evolution is people or the landscape around them is never the question ’cause one can’t exist without the other.
h. dreams or real events?
dreams of real events. i dream my reality and then i bring my dreams to reality.
i. who do you write for?
i write for the universe.
why, you ask. (i know you didn’t ask. but for the sake of being a good sport, let’s pretend that you did)
i write because that’s all i know how to do.
j. what is the worst thing about your writing? what is the best?
the worst thing about my writing is that, it doesn’t make sense, even to me. and that is also the best thing about my writing.
k. what’s the best line you’ve ever written?
the truth? my heart’s still burning over you.
it’s not my best and i know i can write better but something about this line reminds me about the crazy, insane absolutely mad things you would do for something/someone you love. it’s not about the person or thing that you love, it’s about what lengths you would go to and this line captures that feeling.
l. how much do you edit a piece before you consider it complete?
if it’s not utter crap, it’s complete. if i have to edit it, then i never understood the complete extent of the idea, in the first place and am not the best person to try and convey the idea.
m. how long does it take you to write a poem?
well, usually poems are fully formed in my head and its my physical limitations that take time. so, if it’s a long piece and my best handwriting is used, about 2-3 hours, if it’s a short piece and my best handwriting is used, it ranges from seconds to minutes.
n. ghosts or angels?
i couldn’t resist turning it into a supernatural meme, sorry.
obvi, i love cas, sorry, i mean, angels.
o. god or sunlight?
it has been scientifically proven that vitamin d improves the style of poetry and makes it stronger. i don’t make the rules, sorry.
p. soft or harsh?
water. soft enough to comfort you and harsh enough to make you face your fears.
q. safety or happiness?
abraham maslow’s heirarchy of needs pyramid works on the principle that self actualization/happiness (which is the top of the pyramid) cannot be met without fulfilling the needs below it.
maslow’s hierarchy of needs
so, safety first, happiness, later.
r. how long have you been writing?
4th grade, 9 year old me wrote a poem about a fat cat. i don’t know if that counts. from, 6th grade, i’ve been writing serious, honest-to-myself poetry. haven’t stopped since then and i guess that is why i’m writing this today.
s. who is your favourite poet? you have to pick just one.
this is one of the hardest questions i have been asked. if i had to choose one, it would be john green, for sure and before you tell me he isn’t a poet, let me tell you, he is. an undiscovered one, sure, but a poet nonetheless.
and you tell me he isn’t a poet.
t. what is your favourite line of poetry?
“it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is”
this is from the monologue of lana del rey’s song, ride.
u. would you be okay with never being well known?
the thing is, i would really like my words to be well known, whether i’m well known or not is not really relevant, at least to me.
v. slow or frantic?
i prefer slow but some things are meant to be frantic and i’ve made my peace with that.
w. what colour is your poetry?
the colour of magic, changing everyday, today, it’s silver.
x. who, if anyone, do you send your new poems to?
not who but what. my new poems, usually go in my diary that i maintain for poems, if they are very good, they also go in my art journal.
y. is your poetry light or dark?
usually honest and dark.
z. write a couplet (a short poem with just two lines) about pulse points.
my pulse skipped in fear
today, i'm not gonna run from my fears, today, my fears are gonna run from me.
Figuring It Out... 
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