Tag: universe

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I’m back…I think

Hi. How’s everyone. I’m back after the endless silence.

I won’t make any promises that I’m back for good. Because, really, I don’t know 🙂

After days of dried up ink flowing through my veins, I conjured up something. And my favourite band (Chase Atlantic) helped me out. They know the dark side of me better than I know it (And I really embrace my dark side), so that’s something. So, here’s the something, I’m talking about:

I can handle the world. I really can.

What I can’t handle is myself and every extremity of mine.

I can’t handle the fact that nothing scares me.  The fact that I’ve accepted that love is really not for me. I can’t handle the fact that I love so deeply. The fact that I can’t conform. The fact that I can’t do what I’m told to do. The fact that I glorify revolution because rebellion is the storm that rages in me. The fact that I don’t belong.  The fact that I accept but never move on.  I can’t handle the fact that…I’m human.

I think  that’s what I want in life. Something or someone that can handle me. The whole of me. No filters. So, I don’t have to edit my soul.

Just me at my highest. Because that is when I’m at my lowest. 

That is all I want out of life. And the universe will give it to me, life will give me something that can handle me. Just not how I want it. 

I’ll get doses, fleeting moments. 

Drugs that I won’t be able to overdose on like I want to. 

I’ll be living in the sky but then it’ll all  turn to black. Because all in one moment, I’ll be going to heaven and returning back. 

And that realisation is the story of when I’m feeling low.

See y’all when I can. Really missed this, writing in the spur of the moment 🙂

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Don’t tempt me/ I’ll run away to the forest

I have a vast number of reasons why I haven’t written since May 1st but I’ll spare you all of them.

And I’ve decided upon a routine so, you’ll be hearing a lot more from me. You can expect 4 posts every month.

I honestly don’t know what i’m doing with my life right now.

Note: If you’re studying despite this pandemic, I’m very very very proud of you. And if you’re not, I’m still very very very proud of you.

Yeah, let’s continue, shall we? The only constant things in my life are music, sleep, food, some more music, reading, hating myself for not being productive, wasting my time and impostor syndrome. Oh and overthinking. I’m telling you as much as I love the indoors, this pandemic is so NOT helping my overthinking. It’s becoming worse. And on top of that for some reason I feel like, there’ll be no nature left after this pandemic and all day, every day, I just wanna cry about something that’s not true. HELP.

It feels like the end of the world which would be fine with me but I’ve only visited 1 other country and I haven’t taken enough pictures, made enough documentaries, written enough blog posts, etc. I haven’t immersed myself in art like my heart desires.

And my professional worrying brain, cannot find the energy to invest in school work. (Please note that studying and learning are different things. I hate studying, I love learning.)

I get it. Productivity and using time for doing something useful. But, I feel like all this “productivity” is on a very superficial level. And these days, I’m dreaming of running away to a forest with only bare necessities and living there, amidst nature. (I blame the movie: Into The Wild. WATCH IT. IT”S BEAUTIFUL)

So, there’s my life in the most simplest terms I could find. I hope you’ll excuse me while I walk away into ALASKA in my mind. I think I need help.

(Don’t worry, I don’t need actual help but maybe I do? I don’t know. Tell me in the comments if you think my dreams and my lifestyle needs help.)

Please excuse all the Helps.

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cOnfUseD yEt?

Practice doesn’t make a man perfect. But it sure does make a man tired.

Krishna Chaitanya (My Classmate)

Hi. So. Ummm. Hi.

These past few days, I wanted to take a break from life. Die. Then come back to life to see who actually cared. You know, the usual.

Let’s get on with this post. Nobody’s perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. Or so we think. See, in life, everything is a paradox. You think that reality is something that exists. But, it is something that we perceive to exist. Because that is my perception on reality, I perceive reality to be something that we perceive. It’s messy business. Then again, the universe is a messy business. The universe is chaotic. And in that chaos, we find order. So finally is the universe chaotic or orderly or chaotically-ordered or ordered-chaotically? See? Complicated mess. Or simplified complexity? Or complex-simplicity?

Sorry. I’ll stop now. So, as I was telling (writing), perfection doesn’t exist. Or so we think. We are all imperfect. And we are perfect at being imperfect. So, technically, we are all perfect. But we are perfect at being imperfect. So, technically, we are all imperfect. So, the oxymoron perfectly imperfect is true. It’s not an oxymoron because it’s true. But it’s also an oxymoron because, perfect and imperfect are contradicting each other. So, technically, it is an oxymoron and isn’t an oxymoron at the same time. So we are perfect and imperfect at the same time. And perfectly imperfect is an oxymoron and not an oxymoron at the same time.

I don’t know if this makes sense. But it does make sense if thought about. So, this whole thought has sense and is senseless at the same time.

Confused yet? Welcome to my blog, where my sole purpose is to confuse you. Joking. Or am I?

Thank you for reading my confusing post.

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